Plus: Someone stole over $1,000 worth of meat from a Santa Clara Safeway — which, per California law, might come with felony charges against the shoplifter.
2025 is already off to a truly dystopian start. Among the end-of-world events that have taken place not even two weeks into the new year was a Maldera County Police officer pulling over a speeding Rolls Royce. Upon further inspection, CHP officers apprehended the individual driving the vehicle for allegedly driving under the influence and transporting a gargantuan amount of cannabis.
But the craziest part of the story was a young monkey’s discovery.
According to police, the monkey was seized after the driver of a Rolls Royce was stopped by police in Malder County on the night before New Year’s Eve. The driver was properly put under arrest for an alleged DUI and possession of cannabis for sale.” The monkey — later identified as a young spider monkey — is illegal to own in California; all primate species are illegal to own in California without proper licensing and permitting privately.
The monkey was extremely malnourished and emaciated and required immediate veterinary assistance. By New Year’s Eve, the Oakland Zoo had stopped in to offer critical care and professional assistance in rehabilitating the primate.
“Estimated to be five to six months old, she arrived with an upper respiratory infection and is now receiving critical care,” the zoo said in a press release.“The team is hopeful for her recovery and is choosing a name that honors her species. We will post more updates as she recovers.”
Quick and speedy recovery, you gorgeous and adorable little creature.
What else transpired over the weekend? Let’s take a look.
- A serial tab-skipper in the Bay Area was just arrested (after leaving a Red Lobster, of course). The man, whose dine-and-dash name and subsequent alias is simply known as “Jared,” was detained by San Bruno police after leaving a $124.63 bill unpaid at the San Bruno Red Lobster on El Camino Real; the man was released Tuesday but will have a hearing for misdemeanor charges in San Mateo County January 29th. More info.
- Boat-to-table crab buying has begun at Pier 47. This past weekend saw lines of crustacean enthusiasts queuing up Sunday to purchase from the boats after the commercial Dungeness crab season was delayed for two months. More info.
- Ok, I’m obsessed with this meal-haul robbery. A “rare” — pun intended — shoplifting case in Santa Clara involved over $1,000 worth, and because of the collective worth of the stolen goods (read: groceries), the punishment could come in the form of felony charges. More info.
Feature image: Courtesy of California Highway Patrol
[…] A young spider monkey was found by police when Maldera County police pulled over a rushing Rolls Royce on December thirtieth. The viral primate—which has since been cheekily nicknamed the “Rolls Royce monkey” by the web—was transferred to the Oakland Zoo the next day; the driving force was arrested on-site for a suspected DUI and possession of a considerable amount of hashish. […]
[…] A young spider monkey was discovered by police when Maldera County police stopped a speeding Rolls Royce on December 30. The viral primate, who has since been cheekily dubbed the “Rolls Royce monkey” by the Internet, was transferred to the Oakland Zoo the next day; the driver was arrested at the scene on suspicion of drink driving and possession of a large quantity of cannabis. […]