And there are mental health resources for the LGBTQIA+ community to heed.
A friend recently reached out to talk with me about a problem they were having. In the past thirty years as “Juanita,” many people have considered me a mom, and I have lent my ear and heart to those who need it. I’ve said this before — I do not take the title or role of “mother” lightly.
Over this time, some very private things have been mumbled into my ear in very public places. I’ve taken those whispers seriously and have tried to help fix many situations. And, if I didn’t have the answer, I would guide them to someone who did.
This time, a person was feeling bullied by someone I knew, and they asked if I could help meditate on the situation. There are different reasons why people are compelled to bully. They usually don’t recognize what they are doing as a problem. I sighed on the phone and thought to myself –– we aren’t in grade school anymore, and most of us queers have suffered through enough of that type of torment in our lifetimes.
I’ve shared the story, “Growing Up a Little Brown Gay Boy in the East Bay,” before, and here is the section where I talk about being bullied as a kid. This happened in elementary school, and I have never felt good about how it ended. And I still don’t feel good about it today.
A few more years passed, and another boy in school was just like me. But, instead of being able to acknowledge our similarities, we were pushed and poked by other kids to dislike each other. Slowly, we both began to despise one another for the same things we had in common — our unspoken, unrecognizable queer characteristics.
Whispers of “he likes you” were coupled with “stay away from him.” I took the same route home from elementary school every day by myself. That is, however, until one afternoon when the taunting and whispering about the two of us became too much. I didn’t know this boy very well, and we stayed away from each other out of fear of confronting what we saw in each other’s eyes but didn’t understand. On this one particular walk home, we were egged on and pushed to fight. And we did.
In reality, we were beating ourselves up — but taking it out on each other, instead. As I walked home, I emotionally berated myself; I just hated the fact that I fought him. I still do.
For the rest of the year, I saw him every day at school. But again: We stayed far away from each other. I wish we could have grown up together, been friends, and supported each other in our quest to figure out who we were. But that didn’t happen.
I learned that solutions to being bullied are not easily fixable. One thing that makes a massive difference in the situation is to stand up on behalf of the bullied person. If you see or hear someone making someone uncomfortable — say something, stand up for the most vulnerable among us, and speak truth to hate. For example, I’m sure many of you have heard me say aloud, “You can’t do that”, usually accompanied by a pointed finger.
We’ve gone through four years with the bully Number 45. And, because of him, many took that as an open door to having the right to become bullies in their own right. Just look at the majority of Republican leaders.
We are currently living in a very toxic world. We are all overwhelmed daily with the stress and anxiety of our daily lives, but if those emotions linger and bullying appears, it may be a sign of something more. With the help of Queer LifeSpace, there is an extensive page on my website dedicated to mental health resources for the LGBTQIA+ community in the San Francisco/Bay Area. Please use it or share it with those who may need it.
Show kindness and love to those around you — it goes a long way. And remember to give a helping hand instead of slapping one.
Juanita MORE! is a denizen of the limelight. For almost three decades, the laudable hostess has blitzed San Francisco with high glamour, drag irreverence, and danceable beats that have illuminated the entire city. MORE! continues to be a heaping dollop of generosity and a sprinkle of nerve. She inspires those around her to make positive differences in their lives and communities — and doing it all with timeless elegance and an innovative spirit. Most recently, after her reign, Miss MORE! holds the title of Absolute Empress 56 of the Imperial Council of San Francisco –– one of the oldest non-profit organizations globally.
To date, MORE! has helped raise over 1 million dollars for local charities — among them GBLT Historical Society & Archives, Our Trans Youth, Q Foundation, Queer Lifespace, Transgender Law Center, and more. In addition, MORE! tirelessly fundraises for organizations in San Francisco that are adamant about helping communities in the seven-by-seven thrive, all while shining light and offering support to those who’ve been overlooked for far too long.
MORE! embodies what it means to be a conduit of connection. MORE!’ brings the people together to fundraise, celebrate community, and demand social change around San Francisco and elsewhere. Her culinary expressions are an extension of what mothers have been doing in their kitchens for generations — which, simply states, is sharing “loads of love.”