Karl The Fog’s Six Stages of an SF Heat Wave Are Very Accurate

San Francisco’s foremost marine layer sees, hears, and understands us.

We’re fully aware that we’ve devolved into a heat wave venting publication this week. (It’s also been good for SEO, so best believe at not even a week old, we’re taking full advantage of that fact.) Things are finally starting to cool off around this slice of NorCal — we’re typing this exact sentence with the outside temperature sitting at a cool 64 degrees in SF — but it’ll still be hotter than usual for the remainder of the week.

Tomorrow’s high in San Francisco will just barely crest over 80 degrees, though other parts of the Bay Area are expected to again see 90-plus degree highs. And while we’re all yanking ourselves up from prior descents into madness over the long weekend re: the heat, Karl The Fog, being the atmospheric zenith of personification he is, recently shared with his over 357,000 Twitter followers the six stages of an SF heat wave.

We can’t help but simultaneously stan and approve and nod in absolute agreement.

1) Finally, warmth!

Accurate! The layers are coming off! We may or may not even entertain the idea of wearing a muscle tank or crop top out…. with a windbreaker wrapped around our waist for good measure.

2) Why isn’t it cooling off at night?

“I’m in my penthouse half naked / I cooked this meal for you naked” — Beyoncé on “Jealous.”

3) I only have two summer outfits and already sweat through both 

And I don’t have time to wash them both before going out. Why everyone wants to eat dinner before 7:30 p.m. is beyond me.

4) Haven’t slept in days & I forget what happiness feels like

Sounds have become visuals; my waning youth is now wasted in front of a floor fan on Power Ranger Mode; I am nothing but protein and enzymes on this mortal coil.

5) <finally cools off>

~we love to feel it ~

6) I mean it wasn’t that bad

“Hey, Alexa. Play ‘Deja Vu’ by Olivia Rodrigo. ”

So, yea: All of this seems about right.

1 Comment

Leave a Reply